title: Dr. West (skit)
typed by: neuroxik
Dr. West: (good) morning Marshall
Em: Good morning, Doc'
Dr: So we're discharging you today, how are you feeling?
Em: Uh, anxious...
Em: Well, anxious to get home, anxious to get back into the world... nervous
Dr: Nervous?! [chuckles] Common' Marshall, you're a big boy now, you sound like a little bit of a baby, you can do this. You found a sponsor yet?
Em: Uhm, not yet, but I mean, when I get back..
Dr: Well, if you find one, you find one; if you don't, you don't
Em: Well, yeh I mean, I gotta start goin' to meetings first and, wait, what?
Dr: Well, I mean you don't absolutely have to go to meetings and it's not like... a requirement. And if they fit in your schedule, I know you're a busy person..
Em: Well yeh, but, I thought sobriety was the most important thing..
Dr: So what else are you thinkin'?
Em: Uhm, well, I know I gotta start practising the steps, I mean learn 'em and start bein' able to apply 'em..
Dr: The steps?
Em: Yeh, the steps..
Dr: There's alot of them aren't there?
Em: Well, twelve..
Dr: Christ! I don't even know them all
Dr: Anything else?
Em: Uhm, well, I mean the only other question I have is, like what do I do if I found myself in a
situation where, maybe somebody's drinkin' around me or something like that, and I get tempted to..
Dr: Take a drink
Dr: Take a drink! And, you know, (I mean), take the edge off
Em: Take the edge off?? Man, if I have a drink I already know what that's gonna lead me to
Dr: What, you mean these? [shakes bottle of pills]
Em: Now, what the fuck??
Dr: [voice toned down]
Marshall, what's the matter, darling? You having some doubts on me?
Marshall, you can't leave me, you'll never leave me, Marshall
We'll always be together, Marshall
(Em whines at the same time):
Oh, no, no, no, common' man, ah fuck you man, no! no! no! no! noooooooo!